


Naturally

by unadrift



Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: Gen, Humor, Team
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-23
Updated: 2018-12-23
Packaged: 2019-09-25 09:05:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 759
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17118413
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/unadrift/pseuds/unadrift
Summary: Rodney mistrusted nature on principle. It tended to attack him with bees and lemons.





	Naturally

**Author's Note:**

> This is an import of a fic I wrote in 2007 for sga_flashfic. So if you think you have read this before, you might be right. I'm importing some oooold fics that somehow never made it onto AO3.

Rodney mistrusted nature on principle. It tended to attack him with bees and lemons.

It had to be nature's way of collecting payment for providing him with such an appropriate amount of brains.

This planet -- green fields strewn with daisies, the wind rustling the leaves in the trees, a little stream gurgling along their path, the occasional squirrel-like creature scrunching up its nose at them adorably -- this planet was horrible. 

Just for that Rodney should have been unbearably grumpy and made everyone else miserable, too. 

Except, when Sheppard walked across the field he carefully avoided stepping on any of the daisies. There was a permanent half smile on his face which broadened to a full-fledged goofy grin whenever he lifted his eyes to the clear blue sky. Sheppard loved this place. He had even _talked_ to one of those squirrels.

Sheppard was one step from hopping around with flailing arms, laughing, like a kindergarten kid, which wasn't difficult to imagine at all -- but hard to stop once Rodney had the image stuck in his head. 

Rodney hid his not-so-grumpy-anymore expression, so no one would be tempted to confuse it with appreciation for this godforsaken planet of hell.

With his eyes to the ground, trailing after Teyla, Rodney only heard a rustle in the undergrowth, a crash of splintering wood, and then water splashing. Ronon yanked him back at his vest so hard there were going to be nasty bruises on his shoulders. 

The next moment Rodney stood staring dumbly after the creature that had broken from the trees on the opposite side of the stream.

"I was almost run over by a cow," he observed distantly.

"Did you get the license plate?" Sheppard deadpanned, jogging closer to them. But when Rodney turned to him, he looked about as shaken as Rodney felt.

Teyla's hands gently checked Rodney for injuries. "Are you alright?"

"Am I alright? I was almost run over by a cow!" Rodney snapped, and Teyla took a step back. "A cow! How stupid is that?" It had even been flecked, black and white, like any cliché cow should be. "To survive the Genii, and the Wraith, lots of explosions, everything just so I can be stampeded to death by a cow?" 

Rodney was shouting now, hoarsely, directing his complaints to the universe in general. "Couldn't you have picked a more interesting species of wildlife? Something that would make my death look heroic? A tiger, perhaps? An alligator? Something with _style_?"

"The Trakan beast of Muriell has lots of teeth and strangles its prey with its poisonous tentacles," Ronon supplied. Rodney stared, wide-eyed, his vivid imagination running a mile a minute.

Sheppard exchanged a look with Teyla. "We should take a rest." 

"We will find a suitable place," Teyla said and tugged Ronon along with her.

Rodney was still breathing heavily. He felt flushed, and dizzy, and kind of alive. Sheppard's hands were on Rodney's shoulders. He must have put them there at some point. Rodney managed to focus on him. "We need to leave," Sheppard said intently. "More of those things might be coming this way."

That sure got Rodney's attention. "Leaving, right." He let himself be turned in the right direction, then got moving. "This is me, leaving in a quick but not at all cowardly fashion." Huh. He giggled. "Cow-ardly. That's funny."

Sheppard didn't seem to think so. "Get a grip, Rodney."

"Right, yes, getting a grip. No problem."

Sheppard obviously wasn't reassured. He held on to Rodney's wrist until his hand had stopped shaking.

"You'd cook up some heroic story for me, right?" Because Rodney wouldn't want to be remembered for his death by inconveniently placed tree root / poorly secured crate / not-so-wild cow / lemon, but rather for his brilliant achievements in life.

Naturally, Sheppard couldn't keep up with Rodney's internal reasoning. "What?"

"If anything like this should happen for real? If I died a stupid and pointless death? You'd do that, right?"

"You're not going to die anytime soon, Rodney. Not if your team can help it."

"I know, I know, and I appreciate that. But _if_ it should happen--"

Sheppard sighed. "You'll get drama of epic proportions, heroic rescue of children and puppies and entire civilizations, the whole hail mary."

"Good."

Sheppard suddenly stopped, tilting his head. "Did you just say 'Thank you for always keeping me safe' in your unique way of communication?"

When Rodney didn't answer, Sheppard just grinned. He bent to pluck a daisy from the grass and attached it artfully to Rodney's vest.

Really, Rodney hated nature on principle.


End file.
